Monday, January 25, 2010

Independence Pass

Eight of Swords: I know. I promised not to keep doing this. Sharing my daily Tarot readings as if they actually influence me. Or worse, impact my planning. But this one ring's true. The truest yet. Not about my fortune, or lack thereof, but about me. What makes me, me. And it is scary. Dead balls accurate. A knife (or rather swords ... eight of them) into my core.

You are too independent and others feel they cannot get close to you. People feel they bring nothing to your life and do not understand why you would want them around. Too focused on one's own goals. Feeling of freedom, but also have not formed ties. You come across as though no one could ever fool you. A little full of yourself.

So okay. Today's card nails it. Pulls the curtain away from the wizard. Reveals my Achilles heel. Anti-dependence. My wall. Six bricks thick constructed high protecting me from what? I truly cannot remember. Disappointment? Failure? Being told what to do? How to do it? No one paying attention? Having to compromise too much? Losing myself? Or, have circumstances over the past two decades (yikes ... my 40s and 50s) required my every attention to detail, total self-reliance and full immersion into the independence required? And, my Aquarius self relishes?

Now what am I going to do about it? This is tough. The toughest for me to wrap my head and heart around. But the one I need to scale in order to proceed directly to GO so I can collect that $200. Must tackle this one. Grapple it to the ground. Own it. Absorb it. Let it wash over me.

My up-to-the-moment mantra: Let others in. Really in. Find my 'go to' person. Tour, not guide. Allow my fates to float on the wind. Give them loft.

I have known this always. Just reluctant to let go. To depend. Not co-depend. Just be able to rely on a trusted friend. A love. Without holding back. Let myself fall from the table top into the arms of my allies. To trust. That is the kernel. The epicenter. I need to be able to trust again. To let the wrecking ball slam into the wall breaking it apart, brick by brick.

A Chinese proverb states boldly the teacher will come when the student is ready. I am ready.

Tomorrow ... yes ... tomorrow. Cheers!


  1. When does your book come out??? It's sure to be on the best sellers list somewhere. A great beach read. It's light hearted, funny, honest. A book for girl friends, who may not have experienced the same things but who knows what your talking about... Love you, Gayla

  2. Let's find that beach and a margarita ... and share stories. Miss you!