I was screwed last night ...

... and the screwing got me good. Tight penetration. Difficult to twist. Then all the way in.

Sadly, this is not at all what you are thinking.

Not even close!

My my that would have been a lovely pleasure. A dirty secret dream.

But noooooooooooooooo. No such luck.

My screwing involved a glistening sleek, hot off the BestBuy register, straight out of the box, tough to fit into place oval stand brand spankin' new flat screen television.

Couldn't get it in. Neither of 'em. And lordy I tried. Hard and long.

The two teeny screws not quite the correct length (size does matter) to slip easily into the openings firmly attaching the stay-in-the-box until tightly fastened screen. Three Phillips screw drivers, a pair of rusty pliers and wire pinchers were needed to guide the screws deeply into the pre-cut holes.

Tightly. No wobbling to undermine the soon to be pulsating signals from my sensitive to the touch, no chemicals allowed, pixillating voyeur into the depths of humankind broadcast throughout the night. Awakening even the most solemn deep sleeper.

Not easy. Not one bit.

I am out of commission. Way more than I imagined. My nearly sixty year old self limply gripping the rubberized tools. The ones from the shiny red metal tool box gleaming like a fire engine that recently replaced the tattered Barney's bag holding what I know now to be useless hardware.

But with sheer determination. I twisted until it went in deeply. First the right, then the left. Success!

I have finally arrived. A decade into the new millennium. Resisting until now the sex appeal of the sleek gadgetry of the 21st century. The plug and play allure ... tantalizing me. Luring me to ditch my fifteen year old analog VCR combo and run head first into the decadence of gazing mindlessly into my new lover's high definition face.

Loyalty be damned. I am hooked. Lusting after the clarity. Charmed by its newness. Its youth.

Cheers to all things electronic and their ability to at once deflate and excite me!